Someone once said of me, of my life, that I sit at a train station, and I watch the trains come in, each train is a opportunity, a new path, a different way of life. Because I'm not sure if I should get on the train, I let it go, and wait for another. They said I should just get up, get on the train and see where it took me.
Its true. I do do the one thing, and I should do the other.
Always this year....... this year I'm going to........ and many could see that as a failure, that I fail as I dont carry it through, but I see it as a huge success - in that I still plan to. I never let go of all my dreams, and I never lose sight of the hope that one day I will do something. But in the meantime I think I am content sitting and watching.
Talking of trains, I was on one yesterday, and a young girl was yelling down her phone "I'm a nice person, innit, I'm nice, I'm good, but if you mess with me I'm going to f*** you up" I felt that the latter threat somewhat cancelled out the former claim. Isn't it odd what conversations we don't mind people hearing, do we even consider we are being listened to? Our world is such a noisy place.
I love baths, I love early mornings or late nights when no one is around, and I close my eyes and I listen to the sound of quiet. And then I listen to my thoughts. Without this conversation of solitude I cannot deeply relax. Maybe thats why I like sitting at the train station, maybe others can hustle and bustle, and I am an observer.
No, I think I was simply waiting for the train, the right train, maybe its a 2013 train, and maybe I'll travel, slim down, write more, visit more, save some money, catch up with things, catch up with people, volunteer, take courses.
Whether I do or whether I dont, life will still be good, for there is much to laugh at, many to love and lots of chocolate to eat.
