In recent days I have started my last ever
diet. This one is the final, life long,
health giving, I made-it diet. The other
diets were simply pale practice runs. I
am determined, I have support, I know my time is running out to escape diabetes
and this is IT.
So, it has also made me look at what I am, and at
who I am. I know I am fat, am big, take
up lots of space, require a sticker that states Heavy Load, but is this really
me? I have never thought so. I have seen my size as a temporary state, a
pause in between being healthy and healthy again. It occurred to me that this temporary phase
has lasted more than 15 years and I really ought to get to grips with it. I never look in mirrors as I hate what I
see. I don’t like photos as that lump in
the foreground surely isn’t me. All this
will change, but then who will I be? I
have identified myself for so long as big, and it has been an excuse for so
long, what will I be left with? The world
in general shuts out the big person, makes it hard for us, but I have allowed this
to happen. I can’t do this, can’t do
that, can’t go here, be expected to………. because I am big. I have stayed meekly in my fat corner and not
complained. But here I come world; I am
going to rejoin you.
And the person I will be is the person I have
always been, just without my wall, my defence, my excuse, by battlement.
If I ruled I would make it a rule that every weight loss club
leader should once have been very overweight. I don’t care
that they lost 2 stone ten years ago and now they can dress like Barbie and sip
juice and eat berries at every wedding and party known to mankind. I want a leader at the front, telling me
how hard it is, telling me she gets it and she’s with me every giant step of the
way. I don’t want to know that 5 years
ago my class leader stopped eating cheese and made friends with super-low-cal
spread; I want to hear she craves cheese but finds ways to deal with it. Come on Weight Watchers, get real. Big people
who get it are a better support than you can find anywhere in the world. Invest in us.
I also want Fat Gym, where big people play
rounders, and tennis, and netball, and the bikes are bigger with bigger
saddles, and the trampolines take over 18stones in weight. Then and only then will people who are obese
truly join in and be equal.
Oh, and the main difference from this Last Diet to all
previous is I am going to enjoy the journey.
Even if I collapse in a sobbing exhausted heap in doing so!
