With thanks to Katie of http://jesuisunemonstre.blogspot.co.uk/ for lending me the idea

What am I Reading

Currently I have two books on the go.  The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake by Aimee Bender, which is a tale of a young girl who begins to taste people’s emotions through the things they cook.  At the moment I am at the beginning, maybe three chapters in, but, as yet, it is not proving to be a book I can’t put down.  I can put it down, and leave it for several days, then I wander back to it.  We shall see.   The other book is The Dying Wish by Courttia Newland.  The story here follows a private detective as he tries to find an elusive underground business - that of aiding suicide.  Again, about three chapters in and I want to know more and more.  Characters met are described in detail and the plot is interesting and simple to follow, thus far.  The story is told in the first person.

What am I Feeling

I feel ok.  Alright.  In fact often fine and many times happy.    

 

What am I Listening to

Often, at this time of the day, I listen to Classic FM, but today all I hear is the church bells ringing, the cars outside, the cries of children and a dog, far in the distance, barking.

What am I Creating

Hope.  I hope I get to pass the Foster Panel.  I hope I get to go to America.  I hope I learn to diet in a healthy way.  I hope to be able to juggle all the bills this month so everyone is paid and everyone is happy and I have enough left to put aside for America.

What do I Want

In the past week I have seen an amazing film, held a new born baby, chatted, laughed, eaten well, slept well, learnt interesting things, met interesting people, tried to protect a teen from being beaten at a train station, watched an amazing glory of a sunset, stepped into the sunlight on a warm Spring morning, looked at stunning artwork, laughed more.  I want more days such as these.

Of what do I Ponder

When.  I always like to gather facts; maybe it’s a control issue.  I like to know what and where and why and when.  How soon.  Why not sooner.  I like to live in the day, but within that day there is a part of me reaching for tomorrow, and always a part of me glancing back at the past.  I never mind knowing the end of films, it doesn’t take away any enjoyment of the picture or story.  And I would be fine to have life like that.  This is what happens when.  Hmmm but then I'd probably try and change it all, rearrange it and cut and paste it.   

 

To those whom much is given, much is expected

Sometimes things are not what you expect.  Fact.

As a child I had a vision of myself as an adult;

1.   I would be married

a.    Well, I was for many years, but then divorced, a thing I never expected

2.   I would have six children

a.    I have two

3.   When my children grew up we all live close to each other and they’d come for lunch every Sunday and tea in the week and we’d see each other all the time, and, of course, the house would be teeming with grandchildren

a.    My daughter currently lives in America, a country my son has ambitions to live in also.  Never saw that coming.  No grandchildren at present.

4.   If I worked at all it was going to be as a teacher, either that or I would own a bakery and give cookery lessons

a.    Currently I sit at a desk and type and press buttons.  Never did own that bakery

5.   I was going to be slim

a.    Ha!

So, I did get married, and then divorced, but after many years and in that time we created many memories and a family that we both adore. And yes, I only had two children, but of the original six I planned, these are, by far, my favourite two.  My daughter is happy in America and is having a great adventure; my son travels the world and is living a great life, to see this I gladly give up those Sunday roasts and Wednesday night TV.  

I never did own a bakery but confess to spending many happy moments in them, and purchasing many delightful products from them.  When I was teaching it was such fun, and an amazing gift to have been given – to spend time with young minds and show them what they are capable of.  Cookery lessons?  The best cookery lesson I ever taught was teaching my little ones to make biscuits, on a rainy day, in a warm kitchen.

Slim?  Ha!  Who needs slim. I recently spent a day with people just like me; people who were also not slim, and people who wanted to know, like me, why not.  What had happened to us?  How could we get out of the body wall we had built for whatever reason?  We talked all day about food, and diets, and weight and size issues.  Yet not for one moment was there any judgement, not even a little.  Not for one moment did we feel bad or sad to be ourselves.  As we all accepted the outsides of each other, we clearly saw the insides, the person, the true person, at the heart, and we liked what we saw.  It was a day full of laughter, a true good for the soul day.  Who knew a day about diets could be such fun!

Life is not always what we expect and I, for one, am so grateful for that, for I think life has taken me down many paths that I would otherwise have avoided and the unexpected has sometimes been the best news of the day.

At the end of the road where I work there is a pub.  For several months it was ‘undergoing changes’.  Then, one Monday a sign appeared; ‘New Kitchen.  New Chef.  Now Serving Food!’  On the Wednesday a new sign appeared.  ‘Chefs wanted’         

                                                Unexpected.